


The Unseen Benefits of an Alien Marriage Ceremony

by squidgie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 22:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2827946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SGA-4 has to present a couple to get married in order to begin trade negotiations, so Evan and David offer themselves up - and end up with unintended consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Unseen Benefits of an Alien Marriage Ceremony

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 12 Days of Lorne slash fest and betaed by hoktauri and aka_niffer. You two are awesome! ::mwah::

Evan's heart drops a little as he looks from the Chieftain to the members of his team, "No, we're not..." he begins to say, but lets his voice trail off and finally holds up a finger. "One second, I'm sorry," he finishes, and then steps a few paces back, pulling the rest of his team to the side.  
  
" _What_?" Lieutenant Cadman shoots back.  From her demeanor, Evan felt like she had been on edge most of that morning. Carson had been back on Earth for a conference, and wasn't coming back for another two weeks, so he figures he'll give her the benefit of the doubt.  
  
Hiking his thumb over his shoulder, Evan says, "Chief Shumbakwa says in order to start negotiations, there must be 'a party of equals' to come to the table."  
  
"A party of-" Sergeant Stackhouse starts.  
  
"Shit," David Parrish butts in, then lets out a sigh. "Teyla warned us about this," he says.  
  
As Cadman starts to add, "Teyla-" Evan blurts in, "Yeah. Two of us have to be married." He glances at the three pair of widened eyes and adds, "And since none of us are, we _have to_ before we can continue."  
  
"What?" Cadman and Stackhouse both blurt out, Laura finishing with, "Well don't look at me, bub."  When Evan shoots her a look as an eyebrow floats skyward, she adds in, "Sorry, Major, but I'm spoken for."  
  
Smirking, Evan playfully replies, "You know, I could _order_ you to," and points at the Lieutenant. "You, too, Stacks," he adds, a deep red blush quickly blistering itself across the Sergeant's face. He'd almost forgotten that Stackhouse and Markham had moved in together under Atlantis' more lax International rules. Their relationship hadn't been official, but it _was_ the first among Atlantis personnel.  He finally blurts out, "I know you're taken," and tosses the man a wink.  
  
"I'm not seeing anyone," David quickly announces, and a blush crosses his face as well.  "I mean, I know it doesn't mean anything..."  He lifts his gaze from the packed dirt trail and catches Evan's, who gives him a smile.  "But yeah, I'm game if you are, Major."  
  
"Well, if you're gonna marry me, you might as well call me Evan," he says, adding, "It seems only fair."  
  
"David," the scientist announces, and almost puts his hand out to shake, though that would just be awkward for a man he was about to marry. "David Allen Parrish."  
  
"David Allen...  Sounds almost regal," Evan says, and lets his imagination run away for just a minute, thoughts immediately turning to those of a more private nature. Now it was Evan's turn to blush. He'd had a bit of a crush on the lanky scientist ever since they'd gotten close, finding common ground in a dead Wraith encounter months before.  But Evan had done his best to avoid dating ever since coming to Pegasus, even though the new regs would allow him to.  Sure, it meant lots of cold showers, but he went through Basic - he could handle anything.  
  
Winking at David, Evan reaches out and grabs his hand, sliding their fingers together before returning to face the Chieftain. "My mom's not gonna be happy," he nearly whispers as they step closer.  
  
Stuttering to a halt, David gives him a curious look and asks, "Why? Will she object to you marrying a guy?"  
  
Giving David a smile, he says, "Not even, trust me," Evan says, giving David a wink.  "She'd just be pissed that she missed it," which earns him an, "Ooh," and a nod from David.  
  
Evan returns to stand in front of the Chieftain, this time with David at his side.  "Chief Shumbakwa," he says, "may I present to you my betrothed, Doctor David Parrish of Atlantis."  
  
"We would be happy to partake in the ceremony, sir," David adds. And there's something so sweet in David's voice that makes Evan wish this meant something more than just solidifying a symbolic trading agreement.  
  
The Chieftain smiles, then motions for the others to come forward. When Markham and Cadman each step to a side, the Chieftain starts a melodic hum, and is quickly joined by his people who come to encircle the group.  The sound is almost hypnotic, and though Evan is relaxed and knows the situation is harmless, he remains alert.  
  
The smack of the Chieftain's stick against the hard ground announces a halt to the chanting, and he raises his hands, turning his gaze to the heavens. He says something in a tongue that the 'gate translator doesn't understand, then sweeps his arms down dramatically as a quick breeze trickles through the area.  As Evan looks to the side, wondering where the breeze came from, the Chieftain smiles and reaches out, lifting David and Evan's joined hands until they are parallel to the ground.  "You two are very special, for I can feel it," he says in his deep thrum of a voice, and then turns to his wife nearby.  "The ribbon, my beloved," he asks of her.  
  
The Chief's wife, a rosy-cheeked woman with a beautiful mess of grey hair that tumbles down her shoulders, nods and walks to a small altar nearby. After a short chant, she opens it, pulling a thick white ribbon that gleams in the bright sun. Returning to her husband's side, the Chieftain finally lets go of David and Evan's hands, taking the ribbon from her fingers, offering a kiss in return.  
  
Turning back, the Chief nods and Evan and David, fingers still entwined, raise their arms out.  The chief takes one end of the long ribbon, giving it to David as he winds the rest of it several times around David and Evan's outstretched arms, finally handing the other end to Evan to hold in his free hand.  These actions, along with a melodic chant, are quite soothing.  
  
When the Chieftain reaches out and once again puts his hands upon theirs, he quickens the chant, the rest of the villagers joining him. With each throaty beat, there is the smallest hint of a glow that seems to be coming off of the ribbon. Evan watches it, the pulse of light miniscule at first, just barely noticeable, and he keeps staring at it until the Chieftain again thrusts his hands skyward.  This time, the sky is lit with a thunderbolt of lightning that seems to come from nowhere, bringing cheers from the crowd. Evan's eyes shoot skyward, but he can't find an explanation for the noise or the thunderbolt from a nearly cloudless sky.  
  
As the rolling crack of thunder dissipates, so does the cheering from the villagers, and people begin milling about.  He assumes the ceremony is over and chances a look at David, who holds a curious look.  Following David's line of sight, he sees the Chief's wife, hands clasped over her face.  
  
"Beloved, _look_ ," she finally says, grabbing her husband by the shoulder and pointing to David and Evan's hands.  "It is the blessing of the Ancients," indicating the white ribbon that pulses bright white in the men's grasp.  Evan swears that it is timed with his heartbeat, as the pulsing grows faster, to match the beating in his chest.  "The gods have smiled upon your union."  
  
Nodding, Shumbakwa says, "They surely have. We shall have a feast in your honor. And then you are entitled to the best steed from our herd."  His nimble fingers reach for the ribbon, quickly slipping it from David and Evan's hands, then handing it back to his wife to be stored away.  "And afterward, we will sit down and fulfill our trading agreement."  
  
As the ribbon slips away, David lowers his hands, Evan glancing up and catching a blush as their fingers separate.  "So that glowing-" he begins.  
  
"The gods have _indeed_ smiled down upon you," Chief Shumbakwa says.  "It has not done that in many, many years. And those with that special blessing look forward to a long, healthy, _virile_ life together."  He winks at the virility reference, and his wife lets out a tittering laugh. "Now come," he directs, turning and taking his wife's hand in his and heading toward a nearby building.  
  
"What _was_ that?" David manages to whisper as they begin following.  
  
"Ten bucks says it was Ancient," Markham says. "You _do_ both have the ATA gene, right?"  
  
Evan glances at David, and both nod back to Markham.  
  
"Let's just hope you didn't get whammied," Laura throws in, tossing Evan a wink as they make their way to join the others.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The feast goes on for what seems like hours, and David and Evan are approached by many women, offering to be surrogates, "to those so special that the Gods have blessed their sacred union."  Afterward, they negotiate very favorable terms, again because of their union.  The day, while being a bit spontaneous and fun, has been taxing, and Evan Lorne wants nothing more than to get back to Atlantis.  
  
They are heading out when Shumbakwa comes after them, two young strapping men in tow.  "Mister Lorne, Mister Parrish," he says, calling after them.   
  
"Sir?" David Parrish asks.  "What have we forgotten?"  
  
"This is Amstophones and Kierkahan, the keepers of our livestock. They will take you to the stables, where you will pick out a steed to take with you."  
  
"Really, Chief Shumbakwa, we shouldn't," Evan starts to protest.  
  
"Nonsense," the Chieftain says, dismissing Evan with a wave as he turns.  "This is the way of our people.  And as you said, sometimes honor is all that we have, even when we have nothing else."  
  
Evan _knew_ that he would eventually get busted for using that line.  He hides his frustration as he hears Cadman quietly giggling behind them. "Doctor-" he starts, then corrects himself.  "David, _sweetheart_ ," he says more for Cadman's benefit than his own.  "This decision's all yours."  He nods to their guides, following a path that branches off from where the Stargate stands.  
  
"Mine?" David asks, then looks around. "Well, I guess I _am_ the only one of us that has actually grown up around horses," he says.  
  
"I didn't know that, Davey," Laura says.  
  
"Yeah, didn't you grow up on a ranch?" Stackhouse asks. "You two missed out on a lot during that last Athosian harvest festival."  Laughing, he adds, "You should see Davey here do the funky chicken."  
  
David Parrish immediately groans.  "Oh god, I had _such_ a hangover," he says.  
  
"Remind me to steal some of Carson's scotch for our next team meeting," Cadman says with a laugh as they approach the stable.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"I've always wanted to do this," David announces, his voice light and jovial.  
  
"You heard _my husband_ ," Evan manages with a smile.  "Stacks, dial the gate."  
  
Stackhouse dials Atlantis, and upon getting confirmation that the shield has been lowered, nods to his teammates and then walks through the gate. Cadman is next, and then Evan, holding the horse's lead and guiding David Parrish, sitting high in the saddle of the steed that looks like and Arabian gelding, just more muscular. As they pass through the event horizon and materialize within Atlantis, there are immediate hoots and laughs, Elizabeth coming down the stairs and asking, "What in the hell..."  
  
"Oh jeez, Lorne.  Did ya steal a horse?" his commander, Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, sneers. "I'm tellin' ya, hanging out with these scientists..."  
  
"Hanging out with these scientists, _what_?" Rodney McKay says from underneath a nearby console.  
  
Sheppard rolls his eyes, causing Lorne to shake his head. "We'll talk," the Colonel whispers, then wanders up to David, getting a good look at the horse. "So what's this for, anyway?"  
  
"Wedding present," David Parrish says.  
  
"Oh my," Elizabeth Weir manages, instinctively bringing a hand to cover her mouth.  "One of _those_ missions?" When David and Evan shake their heads in unison, she says, "Well, we have forms for that. Come back after you see Carson. Oh, and deal with _that_ ," she says.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Hours later, after they are declared physically fit by Carson and horse is 'jumpered' to the Athosian settlement, the team settles down together for a quick dinner.  Evan declares that he's beat, so after the meal he excuses himself to his room. He gets a warm shower and sits on his bed, thumbing through his tablet for something to read first, and, when nothing catches his imagination, something to watch.  But when that's a bust as well, he decides to call it a night.  
  
Stripping back the covers, Evan thinks the balcony door open to let in the cool evening breeze and then climbs into bed.  He tries to get comfortable, letting the thoughts of the day wash over him.  But the one thought that keeps coming back to him is the image of David Parrish, sitting high atop the steed.  As he considers how handsome David looked, his imagination starts to flow, as does the blood to his cock.  He runs his palm over his thick cock, his nipples reacting immediately by getting tight, and he can't help but let out a moan.  As the picture in his mind of David alters, he groans again, seeing a sheen of sweat across David's now bare chest, with a light dusting of hair.  He imagines David smiling at him, as David's pants fade away, giving Evan the image of taut, muscular thighs.  Evan pushes his hand into his boxers, pulling out his cock and gently plays with the head as the David in his imagination flexes his pectorals, and he mentally watches a bead of sweat trickle down David's chest. "David," Evan groans as he imagines that trickle of sweat  going lower, sliding into the light dusting of hair that trails from David's bellybutton down to his groin.  
  
When his orgasm hits him, it's sudden and overwhelmingly fulfilling. He convulses as wave after wave of pleasure wafts through him, long, thick ropes of come painting his chest and stomach.  "Oh, Jesus," he says as beads of sweat pour off of him.  He reaches over to grab an old t-shirt to clean himself up, then tosses it aside and turns over, ready for sleep.  
  
~*~*~  
  
David Parrish finishes dinner with his team, and as Evan Lorne excuses himself for the night, decides to work in the greenhouse for a little while. He'd always had problems trying to wind down after a mission, and today was no different.  As he wanders in, he finds the greenhouse empty, so he finds his music player and external speaker, cranking up his favorite Jazz playlist. He's working on the Pegasus equivalent of Earth's red clover, repotting them and doing extracts from the ones that have bloomed (in case _these_ have similar medicinal qualities), when he starts to get a bit of a tingle. It's not strong at first, but after a few seconds, he finds that he has to sit down.  
  
As his heart races, he figures that he must be having a heart attack. The odd sensations, the gentle lightheadedness; it is all disconcerting.  But that wouldn't explain the massive erection that he was now suddenly sporting - unless there was something about heart attacks that he didn't know about.  He raises his hand to his ear and is about to hit his radio when he suddenly tenses, and is overcome by the most powerful orgasm that he's ever had in his life.   
  
And then it stops.  
  
David catches his breath for a few minutes, then undoes his belt, unzipping just enough to get a peek into his boxers, where he finds a milky mess. "Jesus Christ," he says, then leans back in his chair, spent.  
  
~*~*~  
  
SGA-4 handles a few more missions, and only once more does the subject of marriage come up.  Evan pounces on it, rationalizing that, "Hey, we're already married on PTX-4R6, might as well get married here, too," so he and David go through another ceremony. It's not as impressive as their first, but Evan is glad to get the chance to hold David's hand again.  
  
After their negotiations have finished, SGA-4 make their way back to the gate.  Evan leans down to scoop up a daisy, handing it over to David and turning back toward the path to help hide the blush.  "Hey, I've married ya twice. The least I could do is to give you some flowers."  He chances a glance, and then bumps shoulders with the taller man, ignoring Cadman's, "Mmm-hmm," comment.  
  
David raises the flower to his nose, saying, "It smells like cherry soda," and then holds it out for Evan to smell. "Thank you," he says, then tries to repay the shoulder bump with one of his own.  But instead of  being just a bump, Evan loses his footing and trips, tumbling to the ground and slipping down a gentle slope.  "Major!" David calls, immediately heading after Evan, Cadman and Stackhouse right behind him.  
  
Evan doesn't lose consciousness, but knows that he's not quite 100% by the funny feeling he has in his ankle.  "Are you okay?" David asks as he rushes to Evan's side, muttering, "I'm so, so sorry, Evan..." his voice trailing off.  
  
"I ain't carryin' ya," Laura Cadman declares. "Matter of fact, if you broke your leg, we might have to put you down."  
  
Evan manages to glare at his second in command, then flips her the bird. "Help me up, boys," he says, so David takes one side while Stackhouse takes the other, slowly getting the Major to his feet.  He puts his weight on the bad foot, gently at first.  "Just a sprain," he declares.  "I won't need both of you, but I _will_ need to lean on one of you until we get back to the gate."  
  
"I'll do it," David says.  "After all, it was my fault anyway."  
  
Shaking his head, Evan manages to get his arm around David, who takes as much weight as Evan gives him.  "Don't worry about it.  These things happen."  
  
After they gate back to Atlantis, Evan is put on rest for two days, and then light duty after that.  He manages his rest time poorly, getting caught by Carson more than once for being up and about when he shouldn't.  But Evan was never one to sit around idly.  When he could talk David or Stacks into carrying his things out to one of the piers, he would paint.  And when inspiration failed him, he conned others into sharing a bowl of popcorn and a movie.  
  
The day before he was to return to duty, he finds himself sleeping late. He glances at the clock, realizing that he'd slept through breakfast, but it was his first full 24 hours off of his pain medications, he at least he had that.  
  
As he dozes in his bed, his thoughts again turn to David Parrish, the man that he was now hopelessly in love with, and even married to on a couple of planets, but could barely talk to outside of work.  He focused on the warm, smooth texture of David's hands when they last clasped their fingers together for a ceremony, and before long, his thoughts turned more interesting.  As his body was now free from the opiate medications that masked the pain, while dulling other bodily functions, he finds that his cock is responsive. He'd tried to jack off on his first day of medical leave, but only frustrated himself.   
  
But now...  Now was completely different.  
  
Evan shimmies his hips, wriggling out of the smooth cotton boxers and lowers his hand to his cock, finding himself nearly hard. But instead of imagining his hand, he pictures David's - that David sits on the bed next to him, gently stroking his cock, rubbing a calloused thumb over the glans and causing him to shiver gently.  He slowly starts jacking his cock, raising his free hand up to his sensitive nipples, tweaking one, and then the other, and causing a moan to escape his lips. "David," he says, expertly working his cock, pausing only to lick his palm and then turn his attention right back to himself.  He turns his head, moaning, almost picturing David sitting next to him, and squeezed his cockhead just as he teetered on the edge of orgasm.  Taking a breath, he lets one of his pebbled nipples tumble through his fingers as he thrusts up and down into his fist, and then comes with a massive shudder.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Why don't you put on some music, Davey?" Katie Brown ask as she and David work in companionable silence.   
  
Thinking back to his 'event', as he thought of it (quotation marks and all), David first declines.  But when Katie starts humming the Macarena, he sighs and turns it on, this time letting a stream of classical music flow from the speaker.  
  
They continue with their light banter when one of David's favorites, the William Tell Overture, announces itself with the staccato trumpeted notes. "This is your favorite, right?" Katie asks, turning to David.  
  
Before David can respond, he starts to feel that tingling sensation again. "Oh, God," he says, bracing himself against the steel rack that holds their supplies.  
  
"Davey?" Katie asks.  She abandons her gloves and is immediately at David's side. "Are you okay?" She grabs him by the shoulders, and then leads him to a chair, as David is overcome with a flush of feelings, all of them exciting, but he's not in _any_ shape to relive this experience again, especially with Katie in the room. "Sit down!" she commands, and then immediately swats at the radio on her ear.  "Medical emergency in greenhouse four. Repeat, medical emergency-"  
  
"Katie, don't," David says, but he doesn't dare raise his arms for fear of giving up the fact that he's sporting a massive erection. If what happened before happens again, he'll be embarrassed enough with just that.  "I'll be okay.  It'll pass," he pants.  
  
"Davey, no," she says, then finishes, "Medical team to greenhouse four stat!"  
  
The wave overtakes David, and he's suddenly overcome with an orgasm that is nearly as powerful as his last unexpected one.  "Oh, God, he's seizing," he can hear Katie Brown scream as footfalls enter the greenhouse.   
  
It takes a few minutes before David catches his breath, and by that time, a gurney is on the floor and Doctor Biro is at his side, checking his vital signs. "I'm fine, I'm fine," he keeps protesting, but Biro is having none of it.  
  
They get him on the stretcher and whisk him away to the Infirmary, where he's scanned and tested for everything from a heart attack to panic disorders. Carson and Doctor Biro are both standing over him, staring at the monitor quietly when Biro finally says, "Well, I'm stumped.  His vitals are actually _better_ , and his stress hormones are fewer than his regular values."  
  
Carson considers the vitals, and then looks askance at his patient. "David, lad. Is there something you're not telling us?"  
  
Figuring that he hasn't been quite embarrassed enough today, David looks at both doctors, and then whispers, "Okay, doctor-patient confidentiality.  Right?"  
  
"Of course, laddie," Carson responds.  "And we're alone here.  Or would you like to go into one of our offices?"  
  
Shaking his head, David chances one more look around, and then starts to explain his 'condition'.  The looks on both Carson's and Biro's faces are priceless, though David mostly misses them for finding a spot on the far wall and focusing all of his attention on it.  
  
"So that's it," he says as he finishes explaining the situation. When neither doctor says anything for the longest time, David finally turns his gaze on them, finding them both holding incredulous looks.  "Oh, God," he says, dropping his face into his hands.  
  
"No, no, David, love.  It's fine," Carson manages, and weakly reaches out to touch David's shoulder.  "While it's...   Well, _not_ common-"  
  
"By any stretch of the imagination," Biro says. She then cocks her head to the side and says, "I didn't see it in your medical records, but are you on, or have you _ever_ been on, any drug like Prozac, or any drug in that class of SSRIs?"  At his blank stare, she adds, "Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor.  It's a type of antidepressant."  
  
"No," David balks, adding, "Nothing of the sort."  
  
"Because people - _women_ specifically, but it wouldn't be unheard of in men - _have_ been known to have spontaneous orgasm brought on by an allergic reaction.  Sneezing, specifically," she says.  
  
When that is ruled out, Carson turns a shade of beet red when he asks, "David, son.  Are you, _you know_ ," he says, glancing down at David's crotch, and then back up, "taking care of business on a regular basis?"  
  
Again, David sinks his head into his hands, and wishes that he could spontaneously combust.  Or that it were really a heart attack.  Anything to get him out of the Infirmary at that moment.  
  
"Well, think about it, love," Carson says. "And page either me or Doctor Biro here if it happens again."  
  
There's a slight shuffling noise that David hears, pulling his head out of his hands once he knows the doctors have retreated.  He starts to get off the gurney, desperate for a shower, and escapes the Infirmary, desperate to be alone.  
  
Much later, after he's made his excuses to Katie that he's taking the rest of the day off, and spends an inordinate amount of time working on the plethora of plants that adorn nearly every surface of his apartment, David decides to chance leaving his quarters to get some food.  It's not quite dinnertime, but since he spent so much time in the infirmary and he'd missed lunch, he decides to grab something and take it back to his room.  
  
Once he's eaten and rested, then futzed around his apartment some more, he sits down on the bed, picking up his tablet.  As he goes through the pictures of his team, he focuses on the image of Major Lorne.  And then, the embarrassing words that Carson had spoken earlier start to play in his mind, and he realizes that beyond the two unexpected orgasms, he hasn't allowed himself any pleasure the last few weeks.  He stands up, letting his pants and boxers puddle to the floor, and then focuses on the pictures, letting his imagination run free.  Before long, he's fully hard, working his cock as the sexy images of Major Evan Lorne play throughout his head.   
  
He can picture the man clearly, getting ready in the crew quarters, and imagines watching Evan pull the leather thigh holster from his locker. He watches as Evan puts the holster around his upper thigh, and then as the nimble fingers snug the fit, the knuckles brushing up against his crotch.  David _loved_ the Major's thigh holster, because it accentuated not only Evan's impressive crotch, but when David got the chance, he saw how firm and round Evan's ass was.  
  
Evan's ass.  David had just the briefest of glimpses of it in a decontamination shower once, probably the most unsexy place ever imagined.  But damn if Evan couldn't make even that horrid room sexy.  But as David works his cock, he imagines that it's Evan's perfectly round butt that he was plunging into.  He stops only to lick his palm, and then goes back to thrusting into it, whimpering as his imagination runs free with the most impure thoughts of the picture-postcard perfect coverboy that is Evan Lorne. His thoughts turn even more, and he pictures Evan in nothing but a leather harness, turning against a brick wall and offering David his ample ass.  
  
David's orgasm almost takes him by surprise.  But it's powerful enough that, even though it was the second one of the day, he still managed to shoot clear up to his chin, and his body was wracked with waves of pleasure for what felt like an eternity.  
  
When he finally opens his eyes, he's sorry that his imagination went so far, and that there actually was no leather-clad Major standing against his far wall.  With a sigh, David picks up his boxers and wipes himself down, then lays back down to catch his breath.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Evan Lorne isn't quite sure what hit him.  After playing lightswitch for Doctors McKay and Zelenka, he decided to join them for dinner.  They'd grabbed their trays and made their way to a table, sharing it with the rest of the SGA-1 team.  But as he'd taken a few bites of his food, his body began to tingle, and he felt lightheaded.  
  
"Lorne?" Sheppard asks, but Lorne's head is fuzzy, and he's nearly overcome by what feels like an unseen, soft pair of hands that caress every erogenous zone on his body all at once.   
  
Without knowing it, Lorne finds himself standing up, leaning over the table, but holding on with a death grip.  He's trying to steady his breathing, but the sensations are powerful.  
  
"If something pops out of his chest like in that Alien movie, I'm gonna puke," Rodney McKay announces.  
  
"Sickbay, now," Sheppard manages.  He nods to Ronon, who is already leaning to pick up Evan. "You got him, Chewie?"  
  
Ronon grunts his reply and turns, making the quick trip to the Infirmary with Evan Lorne over his shoulder in a Fireman's carry. But Evan misses most of it. The overwhelming sense of pleasure continues to radiate through him, and he finds his cock hard against the coarse material of his BDUs, compounded by the jostling against Ronon's muscular shoulder. Just as they round the final corner, a powerful orgasm overtakes Evan, causing him to whimper, a constants stream of, "Oh God, oh, Jesus," tumbling from his lips.  
  
As he's basking in a very public, and very short, afterglow, he finds himself flung down onto a gurney, with Ronon standing over him, arms crossed. Ronon looks down, acknowledging the wet crotch of Evan's pants.  He glances at his shoulder, bringing two fingers first up to his vest, then to his nose. "Seriously?" he asks as Doctor Biro runs into the room to assess the situation.  
  
"Okay, everyone back," she says to the rapidly filling room. "Give me a few minutes with the patient.  Major? Are you with me?" she asks as she brings a penlight to Evan's eyes, testing him.  
  
"I'm fine, Doc," Evan protests.  He lets her continue her exam, and when she finds nothing, asks if they can go somewhere private to talk.  
  
"Major Lorne, did you perchance have a spontaneous orgasm without any external stimuli?" Doctor Biro asks just as Sheppard comes into the curtained off room, turns a quick shade of puce, and then dodges back out of the area.  
  
"Oh, God," Evan says, burying his face in his hands.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes," Biro says, folding her arms across her chest.  "And did you, perchance, engage in masturbation earlier this morning?  Say around 10:30?"  
  
Evan sincerely wants to crawl under the gurney, or maybe dial a random space gate address and walk through the Stargate into oblivion. _Anything_ would be preferable to this.  He finally takes his face from his hands and asks, " _Why_ on Earth would you need to know that?"  
  
When Biro gives him her all-knowing motherly look, he finally sighs, "Yes, yes, alright?  I masturbated this morning when I woke up.  How in the _hell_ is that pertinent to this conversation?"  
  
 _Definitely_ a space gate.  
  
Doctor Biro reaches for her radio and announces, "Doctor David Parrish to the Infirmary, please."  But beyond that, she just stands there, arms crossed and hint of a smirk on her face.  
  
When David arrives, Biro pulls both men into her office. "What is this about?" David asks, but he doesn't quite meet Evan's gaze - not that Evan was doing all that much of catching David's eye, either.   
  
Sitting down behind her desk, Biro seems to put on her 'serious doctor face' and calmly asks, "Doctor Parrish, were you just masturbating about thirty minutes ago?"  
  
David turns a beautiful shade of red, and Evan has a fleeting thought that he needs some more magenta for his painting kit.  He shakes off the offhand thought and looks to David, who seems to be stuttering quite a bit, but honestly not saying all that much. When he finally finds his voice, he blurts, "Well, you told me to!"  After a beat, all the blood drains from David's face, and he finally turns to Evan.  "Oh, my God. You didn't..."  
  
As the implications of what David is asking him bowls him over, Evan steadies himself enough to respond with, "Yes, I did, _David_.  In the Mess Hall - _in front of my commanding officer_!"  
  
"Yeah, well it happened to me _in front of my boss_.  This time at least," David manages to spit back, more humor than heat to his voice.  "Oh, my God, what is going on?" he asks Biro, but turns back to Evan and asks, "Wait a min-"  
  
"Wait," Biro interrupts.  "You mean this wasn't the first time you'd spontaneously orgasmed, Doctor Parrish?"  
  
"No," he says, turning back to her.  "The first time was-"  
  
Evan cuts him off, asking more than saying, "The night after that weird ribbon marriage ceremony on PTX-4R6?"  When David blushes and shakes his head, Evan says, "I’m sorry, David," his voice barely above a whisper.  
  
The three stand around for a few seconds until Doctor Biro breaks the silence with a laugh.  It seems to be contagious, and before long, all three are laughing, Evan saying, "Stop making me laugh.  My crotch is all wet, and I'm sticky!" which causes them to laugh even more.  
  
~*~*~  
  
In the end, there was no 'cure' found for the bonding that David and Evan had been through, and Elizabeth had forbidden John from going to the planet, "Just to see what would happen."   After dancing around each other for what seemed like forever, David and Evan started dating each other.  "After all, we kinda know we're compatible," David said one night over team dinner.   
  
After dating for months, the chance again arose on a planet with a new trading partner to get married again. The only difference is that this time, when they came back to Atlantis, they never filled out the paperwork that annulled the marriage, but instead moved into larger quarters on Atlantis. And from that night on, every orgasm was mutual.


End file.
